I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
