woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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