I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize