I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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