Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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