One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
