Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
