There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
