i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
