ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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