Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
