I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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