she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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