i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
