She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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