dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
