Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
