..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
