what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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