you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i came on her dog
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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