Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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