Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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