Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
