I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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