Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
