My first STD was from a foam party
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
