The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
