The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
