I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
