She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
