Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
