thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
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He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
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The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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