And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
