My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
