Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
