If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
