like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
