operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I deserve this hangover.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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