My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
