mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
