Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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