its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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