You work out of a Hotel?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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