He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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