Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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