the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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