drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
