so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
