I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I am naked and annoyed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
