so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
