i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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