I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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