I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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