Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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