I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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