As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
