I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
