Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
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I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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