Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
