I bet he comes in French.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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