What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
